Hello fellow mums. My name is Kylie and I am a single mum to two girls Hannah 10 & Gracie 8.
My entry into motherhood was quite traumatic, and my first daughter tried making an entrance when I 29 weeks pregnant. Lucky the doctors were able to keep her inside until I was 34 weeks all whilst I stayed in hospital on bed rest!
Fast forward to Hannah being 18 months old, and me single & pregnant with my second daughter and we discover Hannah has a 5cm tumour in her brain. A month long stay in Westmead Children’s Hospital and brain surgery and luckily Hannah bounced back and was too young to remember anything.
Gracie came into the world not long after at 37 weeks and was perfect in every way. The 3 of us were going really well and I met my husband when the girls were 3 & 1. 6 weeks into our relationship I contracted a nasty flu and was in hospital for 3 months on life support. My family were told I may not make at. At one stage I was the sickest person in the hospital.
The few times my kids came to see me they were absolute hell.
They wouldn’t touch me or come anywhere near me. My parents took them full time. Once coming home (with a walker as I had to learn to walk again) it took months to regain that relationship with them and be mummy again. We played happy families and combined our Brady Bunch family up to The hunter valley to where my husband lived. The “love of my life” and I got married onboard the love boat and started our happily ever after life together. Married 18 months & my husband decided he wanted to end our marriage. Absolutely gutted I moved out and tried to move on for the sake of the girls. After a year living alone, I realised I couldn’t do this single parent thing on my own whilst living over an hour away from any support from my family, so I moved back in with parents.
The whole transition on my girls was horrible. My eldest daughter has not coped with the whole situation and she still doesn’t cope well with any changes. I won’t lie being a single mum is bloody hard work. Some days are great and I love that I don’t have to share my girls with anyone but other days all I want to do is cry.
I am struggling mentally and have no idea how to pull myself out of this funk. I love my kids more than anything and cannot imagine not having them in my life but I just don’t know when this will all get easier. I can honestly say I’m not happy with where I am in life right at the moment.
My husband moved on to someone else quite quickly and I am here still single. I wouldn’t say I’m happily single at all. I’m not after a full on relationship but some company every now and then would be great. Sometimes it would be good to take the mum hat and just be me. I am now the token single friend and absolutely hate it. I’ve lost myself and don’t know how to get me back. I know this probably isn’t the blog you were after, but I do feel good getting this all off my chest. If anyone owns the manual to being a single mum I would love a copy to read – all versions would be greatly appreciated! My girls deserve to have a happy mum and I think I also deserve to be happy. Thank you for listening.
Kylie Brooks
p.s i did struggle to find a photo of myself!!! I hate having my photo taken, and this would be the first photo in YEARS I have of myself with my kids. I am usually behind the camera.
