I have a story that I feel is important to share, and I hope is of value to other mums.
So where to begin, and how much to include here…
Sometimes life just happens, not always the way we plan… usually we plan it to be like the fairytales that we grow up hearing about where prince charming rides in and helps you achieve all your dreams, and there is no worries or bills to pay! (We really need new modern children’s stories!)
Being young (24), naïve and with little confidence, I met a man who adored me – with no idea he could be an alcoholic …. not until we had our first child, did this come to light.
I thought I could change him, support him and it would be ok, but it was hell. He slowly sucked away my energy, my little confidence and my joy.
Though I had my beautiful baby girl (Holly) who filled my heart, and I nurtured her and protected her through it. There was no physical violence, it was anger, control and just words – but there is
no ‘ just words’. They are powerful and bruise you on the inside.
Of course there were good times too, I would often see the man I fell in love with, and also see the broken man, that I wanted to help heal.
We separated a few times, and I was on my own. It was peaceful and I gained strength and more confidence, but I always fell for the ‘I have changed’ line, and we were back together.
He tried to stop drinking, and I believed he had when we decided to have a second child, and our big girl was now 4.
I was 2 months pregnant when he walked in drunk with vodka, and told me he hadn’t stopped, he was just hiding it, and he couldn’t hide it anymore. He was crying, and wanting help… until the next day, when he forgot it all…
There came an afternoon, I was 3 months pregnant, and was longer than he expected picking up Holly from a friend’s house… he flew into a rage and told ME to LEAVE! I pulled all of what courage and dignity together, to go to my parent’s house… again.
This time, I stayed there. And yes, when you stand up, and leave, it makes them angrier. It was hell between him and I.
Relentless phone calls, threats of him taking his life, or mine, or Holly’s…not much fun when you’re going through the last of your pregnancy, alone.
I soldiered on, supporting Holly and her heart. Looking at all the ways to help children through this, and I did.
She was so sweet and kind and emotionally intelligent. She saved money to buy things to make gift bags to hand out personally to the homeless!
When the time came, he wanted to be there for the birth, he was kind and gentle and supportive, as he can be, but it didn’t last, he didn’t visit often when I was in hospital.
And I went back to my parents house with my new baby Jade. On my own… not what I could ever have dreamt of.
The battles of being a single parent, both physical and psychological are constant, and so hard.
But I honestly did an amazing job, I had so much love to give, and the girls lapped it up.
I began designing my own unique product for children, 40 affirmation cards / Positive Thought Cards. I came up with 40 supportive and loving quotes, drew the pictures, found a printer and named them – Nurture Cards.
They were designed to help children create an inner self-belief, self-worth and a positive way of thinking from a young age. Just what I needed when I was a child, and what I felt would help children going through a divorce, or bullying or any negative life situation.
I then put a lot of energy into somehow getting my new product ‘out there’, with little finance…working a job during the day, and on my business after the girls were in bed. …if only I knew how exhausted my body was.
I crashed into depression, with anxiety when Jade was about 5. My partner, who I had left, had gone into rehab and was now 2 years sober, and going to AA.
He was changing into a better man. He was now in a place to support me, and he did.
I was so unwell, my whole body was physically exhausted, and I just cried for no reason.
It took a hundred doctors and so much testing to find the answer, it is a awful feeling when you don’t know why you’re falling apart.
With medication, I did get better, I found my feet again.
10 years later, I am still struggling with my health, it turned to Chronic Fatigue so bad, that I slept most of the day… and was too tired to think or feel.
I would hug my girls… and feel nothing. It was hell. A living coma. I have moved through that now, and am doing better.
My partner is now 11 years sober, and we married 4 years ago. Just to forgive and work through that was something else!
My girls are so kind, loving, thoughtful, strong, independent, wise, fun and funny. I am so proud of them and myself.
My business is finally doing great, I have sold 5,000 boxes of Nurture Cards, including internationally, and the feedback I get is just so heart-warming, so wonderful and means so much to me.
It is no Cinderella story, but I guess if we read stories like this one as kids, we really wouldn’t want to grow up.
Wow, well that’s my story.
I hope this is something you are looking for, and that might help other mums know that in hard times, they are not alone.
Many of us have our struggles, and these times do help us find our strength and character, although at the time, you don’t give a shit what its teaching you, you just want to feel better.
I have learnt so, so much, through all the counselling I have had – I could be a counsellor! Honestly. Wise mumma here 🙂
I have attached a photo of myself, and my girls. xx
Wishing you abundant blessings, and every success with all that you do.
Roxy.
