I’m a mental health social worker who works with children and adolescents with complex and severe mental health difficulties. I work part-time. I’m also a first time Mum to a three year old boy. After having three back surgeries I never thought I’d get the opportunity to become a Mum…
I always wanted to be a Mum. I think there is something so beautiful about watching a child grow and change. A child you carried for nine months in your womb whilst he/she was knitted together…
Doesn’t mean it’s easy though. I’ve done an undergraduate degree and a masters degree. I always say that parenting it’s harder than both of my degrees put together. I wouldn’t change it for the world though.
I had my son via C-section due to the back surgery I had. I was also only able to breastfeed for 4 weeks due to issues with milk supply… I’ve felt judged, criticised and not a good enough mother for being able to do what my body should naturally.. the harshest of all critics is myself. I’ve watched my son develop asthma and recently a stutter and constantly question myself. “What have I done wrong? what could I have done differently?” This is despite reassurance that my son has a genetic history of asthma. The stutter… well apparently males that are smart in language skills are more prone. Who knew?
I’m this confident person at work who reassures parents, walks alongside them, but then comes home and doubts myself lying awake at night wondering am I good enough.
Then I look at my son who is one of the most funny, thoughtful, observant and determined people I’ve ever met. Although he’s three and going through all the new milestones of tantrums, bossiness, toilet training and independence (I’m not sure how many more times I can say I’m late because my son wants to put his own shoes on without losing some credibility), he loves hard and loves to learn.
Since having a child, my whole perspective has changed. My empathy has deepened on how hard it is to be a parent and watch your child/ren struggle, but also seeing what kids go through everyday and thinking what if that my was child?
I also look at my husband in a whole new light. This man who inspires me, encourages me and pushes me to be a better version of myself, but at the same time will knock down those anxious thoughts of an I good enough? In my sons eyes he’s a hero and my son always says he wants to be like Daddy which is a beautiful thing to watch.
We are now at the stage where we are trying for another baby so my son who loves babies can have another sibling and to grow our family… if we thought having one was hard enough to fit everything in, how exciting but scary for two… the one thing I would tell parents is to find time even if it’s two minutes in a day to do something for you…
